Amid the hardships of recent years, narcissism seems to be thriving. Are the complexities of modern society, political division, and a recent pandemic giving rise to an epidemic of narcissism?
The Impact of Adversity on Focus and Self-Reflection
It is normal, when faced with adversity, to become "I" focused as we adjust to personal loss, confusion, and disappointment? Our heaviest sorrows burrow deeply in the heart and obsess the mind. When life falls apart, we might ruminate about the "bad" things as we work through a broad array of emotions, try to readjust, or simply begin problem-solving.
The narcissist can’t comprehend that we are collectively more scared, more exhausted, lonelier and generally struggling. Recognizing suffering as universal is not an observation made by a narcissist.
Narcissism: A Crowded Sphere of Self-Concern
To a narcissist, emotionally heavy events land in an already crowded sphere of me, myself, and I. Their worries, problems, and fears are always at the forefront, and the ongoing global and societal challenges have only added to their pile of woes, leaving little space for anything or anybody else.
Navigating the Epidemic of Narcissism: Understanding Inward and Outward Manifestations
The narcissist can’t comprehend that we are collectively more scared, exhausted, lonely, and generally struggling. During these difficult times, we seek compassionate people with whom we can share our worries, loss, and fears. If you have a partner, parent, child, or colleague who is narcissistic, proceed with caution. Do not expect compassion, understanding, or generosity, as you will likely be disappointed.
Two Expressions of Narcissism
Not all mental health professionals agree with this, but I acknowledge two expressions of narcissism: outwardly focused and inwardly focused. While there is overlap between the two, the intense focus on "me, myself, and I" manifests differently.
Outwardly Focused Narcissism
A self-centered perspective forcefully imposed on others, often persisting even when presented with new evidence.
Friends, family, lovers, and colleagues have little space in the relationship. Most energy is siphoned to the narcissist, including conversations, activities, focus, and attention. If there are struggles or misunderstandings in the relationships, the finger is pointed to you, or to another object
If you feel disregarded in the relationship, it's because, from the narcissist's perspective, you barely exist.
During times of personal crisis, do not seek comfort from an outwardly focused narcissist. Understand their nature; they are not capable of more than obsessive selfishness.
Inwardly Focused Narcissism
When bad things happen, various manifestations of self-pity and self-destruction occur. They lie on a continuum from self-pity to victim-hood, and in extreme cases, violent self-destruction such as substance abuse.
The inwardly focused narcissist feels their struggles are uniquely profound, leading to isolation and separation.
Accepting the Nature of Narcissists
Understanding and accepting the nature of a narcissist can ease resistance and struggle. If you have a dog or cat, you understand their specific nature and do not expect them to behave outside it. If you have a cat, after you return home from a day of absence, a cat may or may not even acknowledge you. A dog, however, greets you with a great deal of acknowledgement and recognition. If you get a cat and become disappointed after returning home when your cat does not even seem to notice you have been gone, this is not the cat's fault. This is a misunderstanding of the nature of the cat. Similarly, we must release the expectation of reciprocated compassion from narcissists.
Moving Toward Compassion
Despite the pervasive focus on the self, we are much more alike than we are different. Your pain is much more similar to my pain than it is different. During a time when compassion and support are more important than ever, may we all let go of the instinct to protect the ego and instead, act in a more loving and compassionate manner.
Be in peace - diane
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